Science Friction

Hello.  I'm here to talk to you all about a serious issue.  And by serious, I mean the kind of serious that's actually serious, not something you say is serious in order to set up a laugh by immediately following that statement with something that has no seriousness to it.  This serious thing- is something...let's call it a disease, that over 14 million men are affected by every day in America alone.  It is known as the silent killer.  It's scientific name is rubintas firetas, but its more common name is:
Chafing. 
Over my lovely stay in the city of Seattle, I was befallen by this terrible crime towards humanity.  For those of you who don't know- sometimes when a man- a burly, stocky, or otherwise out of shape man partakes in copious amounts of walking, his....legs can rub together.  It's not pretty to picture, I know.  But our lack of awareness and refusal to take this dreaded life-altering disease seriously is precisely why I started this blog.*
If you're skinny, or aren't chained to a computer desk every day for your job and actually walk sometimes, let me give you an example of what chafing feels like.  Take your hands and rub them together as fast as you can.  When they start to hurt, this is absolutely nothing like what it feels like to be walking around uphill in a city after you just saw a ridiculous Oliver Stone movie.  Light your legs on fire and then rub sea salt and vinegar chips on them.  And then save a few of the potato chips that were leftover and didn't get rubbed into your legs for me.  I love those.  That's the 2nd reason I started this blog.**
If the chafing continues for more than 2 hours, consult a physician.  And if there's not a physician nearby, just walk around like you just got off of a horse after a 15 mile ride.
If you know a loved one who has been chafed, do your best not to laugh at them, chafing is a hilarious issue, but only to people who are watching someone else walk around like they're pretending to be a giant blueberry.
If you have a family history of chafing, make sure you immediately run out to your local drugstore and....on second thought, maybe you should bike.  Or just call someone else to go.  Try to eat better.
If you have pets, think about all the times you laughed at them for not having opposable thumbs, and think about how amusing this whole situation must be for them.
Do not drink or operate heavy machinery while chafed.


Please, act now.  For the children.







*No, it's not.  I really started it for the babes.  Blogbabes.

**This one is actually true.