Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw: April 27th

Hello all, it's been a busy semester for Art Krenshaw, but we've been able to pry him away while his students are on Spring Break, so he can join us for another edition of Smart Talk- with Art Krenshaw!

Art Krenshaw is an expert in human behavior. He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side.

SMART TALK

with

ART KRENSHAW

Dear Professor Krenshaw

My husband and I have been married happily for 2 years now, we had dated for 2 and a half years before that and have lived together for 3 years.  I love him to death, but some of his hygiene habits are getting to me!  For example, he only brushes his teeth once a day, and while it doesn't really effect his breath or dental health, that's not normal, right?  And while I appreciate the fact that he works out and stays healthy, sometimes he....well, I guess there's no other way for me to say it...stinks!  Art, is there anything I can do?  I know I'm constantly told people don't change, and it's a bad idea thinking I'm going to change the person I'm married to, but I'd be so much happier if I had a great smelling guy!
Signed,
Mrs. Clean




Mrs. Clean,
A quick note I'd like to point out- if you were Mrs. Clean, that would mean you were married to Mr. Clean, and it certainly doesn't sound like that's who your husband is!
I do understand your complaint though, and it's not an uncommon one.  You know, if you were to travel back to the 1700s in Europe everyone would smell awful!  Not because the French are generally stereotyped as not as concerned with hygiene as the rest of us, but because they didn't have all the fancy soaps, shampoos, deodorants, and shower technology that we have today.  Not to mention the colognes and perfumes.  Which leads me to believe that we all should stop showering, and buying deodorant, and perfume, etc.  If we all smell terrible, then no one will smell bad!  It's all relative, you know.  And think of all the money we'll save on needless products!  "Oh, but Art," you might say "what about all the poor soap companies?  We're in a barely recovering economy and you want to put those soap makers out of business?"  Maybe.  But instead of making soap, they could just make ice cream, which everyone likes, and will then invariably sell more!  Which will probably make everyone gain weight, which will then only increase sales in medical bills, fitness equipment and gym memberships, AND new clothes for everyone to wear!  That's right, I've single handedly fixed our economy.  You're welcome America.
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Thanks for your insight Art!  Until next time, this has been another edition of Smart Talk- With Art Krenshaw!

Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw: Jan 18th

Hello all, for this first time this year, Art Krenshaw is back to share his insight and experience with us. This week another concerned parent has a question for our resident expert.  Please enjoy another edition of Smart Talk- with Art Krenshaw!

Art Krenshaw is an expert in human behavior. He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side.

SMART TALK

with

ART KRENSHAW

Dear Dr. Krenshaw,

Hello.  Hope you had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you.  My problem is with my 16 year-old son, David.  David has been a good kid his whole life, and still is.  I think he may have fallen in with the wrong crowd though and am worried he will end up in a gang.  What kind of advice do you have for me?
Signed,
Worried




Worried,
I think there's no need for any sort of worrying.  It sounds like you're a parent who is very much a part of their child's life and that's the absolute most important first step you could take.  The equally important second step is to make sure your child does not join a gang.  He should start one of his own.  One that will be able to rise up through the ranks and violently crush the other gangs menacing your town.  That way, at least you know he'll be the one in charge.  Like the Shredder.  The first step in starting a new gang is picking out a great name.  It has to be something that the kids respect, but also is catchy enough for people to remember.  Something like "The T-Wreks".  This way, an image of a large man eater is conjured, and the misspelling gives it what kids call "street cred".  Tell him to feel free and even use a Z instead of an S at the end of the word too.  The second step is recruiting members.  Murdering a fake person- say a dummy, or a poorly built robot- from far away has worked wonders for the kids here in Kansas.  Step three is to procure a hideout.  Any abandoned warehouse or meat packing plant will do. 
With these three easy steps completed, your kid will be on his way to avoiding joining a gang in no time!  And, as an added bonus, your family will probably be pulling in all kinds of extra cash- what with the drug money and all.
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Interesting as always!  Until next time, this has been another edition of Smart Talk- With Art Krenshaw!

Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw Nov. 24th

Hello all, thankfully (get it?)  Thanksgiving break is coming up at NKU so Art Krenshaw has a little bit of time for us.  The e-mail questions have been piling up, but I thought we'd take a question that's relevant to our upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.

Art Krenshaw is an expert in human behavior. He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side.

SMART TALK

with

ART KRENSHAW

Dear Dr. Krenshaw,

Hello.  I enjoy your advice and wanted to thank you for the insight you have provided.  My question is one about Thanksgiving.  The holiday is coming up and I have a young child who is being taught all about the Pilgrims and Indians at school.  Of course they are being taught a nice story about the Indians helping the Pilgrims through a cold winter and the wonderful feast the two of them shared.  The message is one of peace, giving, friendship, and appreciation for what you have.  All things I would love for my child to learn.  My concern is that the real Pilgrims were not incredibly kind or giving towards the Native Americans and I feel like I am lying in a way by not telling my child the truth.  However, I don't want to ruin the positive message that the schools are teaching or give my son the idea that he can't trust what he is being taught in school.  What do you think I should do?
Signed,
Thankful




 Thankful,
Thank you for bringing up this interesting point.  I know we have a class here at the University that focuses on "real" history vs. "desired" history, and I'm pretty sure this is one of the examples covered within the first few weeks of class.  Your situation and dilemma is not unique and I will tell you what the more commonly accepted solution in the academic community is.  In short:  lie some more.  The best thing to do would be to tell your children all sorts of other terrible things that the Pilgrims did so when they learn the truth, it is not as damaging.  But you need to put it into terms they will understand.  Something such as telling them that Pilgrims shut down the Indians internet and refused to let them watch Disney princesses.  I told my kids that the Pilgrims made the Indians go to the dentist and eat vegetables every day, and then monsters ate all of them.  Then when my kids asked if monsters ate everyone how come there are no monsters today, I simply explained the process of evolution to them, and that Daddy was part monster, so if they didn't go to bed at 8:30 every night, it was very possible he would eat them.  This is also a good segue into the story of Kronos, and how he attempted to eat all of his children.  Education.  For younger ones, a good analogy is something such as "The Pilgrims broke Thomas the Tank Engine".  When your children follow up with questions about that, just don't answer them, it's very exhausting explaining things to children.  Now if you'll excuse me, I'm about to go to the store to ensure I have all my ingredients for Art Krenshaw's famous potato casserole!
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Mmmm!  You'll have to give us that recipe, Art!  As always, your advice was greatly appreciated.  Until next time, this has been another edition of Smart Talk- With Art Krenshaw!

Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw: Oct. 11th

Good news everyone!  Though he's having an incredibly busy semester, I've been able to track down Art Krenshaw for another reader question.  This installment, Art answers some questions about working in an office.

Art Krenshaw is an expert in human behavior.  He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side.

 SMART TALK

with

ART KRENSHAW

Mr. Krenshaw, 
I know this is a small problem, and I don't want to seem petty, but I don't feel like I can ask my husband, my friends or the rest of my family for fear they would chide me for getting disturbed by something so insignificant.  
My situation goes as follows:  in my office, there are 9 people occupying a few rooms controlled by one thermostat.  I frequently am freezing, enough so that it's hard for me to concentrate on my work!  The problem gets even worse when I try to adjust the temperature, there are a few of my co-workers who jump all over me for changing it!  What sort of solution do you recommend for this problem?
Sincerely,
Chilled Out

Chilled Out,

Believe it or not, I get multiple questions of this type in my inbox everytime I do an installment of Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw.  Don't feel bad about having a different body type than some of your office mates, the important thing here is to speak up for yourself in a civilized manner.  I have two suggestions for you.  One is to take a trip to the store, a thrift store will do, and buy a handful of large coats or sweaters.  Make sure they are big enough for all of your different coworkers.  I would then purchase a large fan, a large retail or bulk warehouse are great places to find deals for a fan big enough to use in an office.  After you've done that, study up on your electrical circuits.  Nothing too crazy, and I'm not going to suggest you do anything illegal with those wires, just enough to be able to control some of your office wiring.  Once you get to work, get out your fan and plug it in.  Arrange the coats and sweaters in a nice big pile in the middle of the floor.  Then set fire to the coats.  Use your fan to make sure the flames get nice and large.  When your coworkers try to complain, hold up the cords you've cut from all of your office phones and internet, effectively disabling any communication with the outside world.  Once they head for the exits, they'll find you've locked all the doors, and that's when you use the fire extinguisher you've hidden beneath your desk to extinguish the flames.  Your coworkers will then view you as a loose cannon, and probably not challenge you over something as trivial as office temperature. 

Or just quit your job.

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Wonderful Art!  Your advice is well-said and well taken.  Until next time, this has been another edition of Smart Talk- With Art Krenshaw!

Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw: Sep. 8th

Alright everybody!  This week's Smart Talk With Art Krenshaw question comes from a disgruntled artist.  Take it away, Art!

Art Krenshaw is an expert in human behavior.  He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side.

 SMART TALK

with

ART KRENSHAW

Mr. Krenshaw,
Recently, I've tried to practice my craft and better myself through art.  It may have just been a hobby for me before now, but over the past few months, I grow more and more certain that this is what I want to do with my life.  I've put a lot of time and effort into what I'm doing, but when I've shown my friends, family, and other loved ones what I'm doing, none of them seem interested.  I am confident in what I've produced, what should I do?
Sincerely,
Disgruntled

Disgruntled,

I am incredibly sorry to hear about your situation.  There is nothing worse than wanting acknowledgment for something you've put  a lot of yourself and a lot of hard work into and then not getting any of it.  I know from my time spent at Northern Kansas University there were a lot of students there who poured months of themselves into a thesis, only to have it widely panned, and that caused a lot of tornadoes over there.  That's right, the weather system is trickier than you might think.

Back to your question though- my first instinct, and probably anyone else's is that whatever type of art you're doing, be it painting, playing the piano, dancing, or even writing a semi-humorous internet blog- is probably bad.  I know that that's rough to hear, but honestly, if everyone doesn't think what you're doing is the best thing they've ever seen or heard- you should probably give up.  I know for a FACT that Beethoven was never criticized, and you never see anyone saying anything bad about George Clooney.  If you did, he would probably stop whatever movie he was making and decide to quit being famous for the rest of his life.  Even the great R.L. Stine must have known that there isn't a soul out there not buying his scary teen/pre-teen horror yarns, otherwise, why would he keep making them?  So my first and most important piece of advice to you is quit.  Just quit now, and I don't think you should try whatever you're doing again either.  Spare everyone the tears.

BUT- let's assume that by some great miracle, what your doing is actually good!  Then my advice to you would be to simply remove everyone from your life.  Clearly, they're terrible friends, relatives, and loved ones.  They don't really love you if they can't take a minute out of their day to watch the short film you're making, help you rehearse your lines for that play you're in, or even if you happen to be blogging about childish real life observations and ripping off your favorite late night hosts- they should be able to read SOME of that.  I'll tell you one thing I've learned- you don't need friends.  Friends are for people who need someone to complain to.  If you live your life in a perfect manner, there will be nothing to complain about.  It's as simple as that.  And family?  Well, I can tell you if it wasn't for the therapy industry, there would be no such thing as family. It's just something that psychologists and psychiatrists cooked up, much like the greeting card companies made up Labor day to sell more cards and candy.  And look- you might have a special someone in your life, but love is really a four letter word.  In fact, I can taste the soap in my mouth from when I was young and Mrs. Krenshaw used to wash our mouths out for saying it!  Disgusting.
So, all in all, I think your best course of action would be to just give up trying to be creative, and ditch all of your friends, family and anyone who claims they love you.  You might as well cover your bases and move to Latvia while you're at it too.

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Thanks again Art!  Insightful as always!  Until next time, this has been another edition of Smart Talk- With Art Krenshaw!

Smart Talk with Art Krenshaw: Aug. 25

Hey everybody,
I thought we'd switch things up a little today and have a guest blogger.  Someone to keep you all on your toes.  So without further ado, I'd like to introduce Art Krenshaw, an expert in human behavior.  He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side.  I'd like to start a sort of "Dear Abby" column periodically, only using Art's name instead of "Abby".  We'll start off with a question that was posed to me socially.

SMART TALK

with  Art Krenshaw

Art,

I have a problem.  My six year old son has just started 1st grade and my four year old is very jealous.  Every day, my six year old comes home with all sorts of interesting stories about his day and I can't help but give him my attention.  My four year old becomes furious at this and almost without fail starts a physical fight between him and the six year old.  I feel awful, what should I do? 

Sincerely,

Concerned

Well Concerned,

This is a common problem between boys that age, so don't feel too bad about them fighting.  As long as no one is breaking anything around the house, or each other, it's all part of growing up.  And I'm sure the guilt you feel is unnecessary.   The real problem I'm seeing here is your children's schooling.  As you know, children are our most precious resource.  Our most precious right behind crude oil.  So my advice to you, and to all parents out there, is to combine those resources and get our children to work in the oil fields.  Now, I'm no math whiz, but according to my calculations, resource x resource = resource squared.  And that's a good thing.  Just look how it turned out for the guy in "There Will be Blood".  Him and his son got along great, they even went and had milkshakes together.

Now I've had some parents come up to me after lectures absolutely furious, and that's understandable.  It's a lot to ask of a young child to mine the oil fields of the earth.  So if you're one of those parents who married a physical specimen as equally impressive as yourself for breeding purposes, go ahead and let the kids do what you had them to do- be it model, play basketball, or invent "softwebs" on the computer.  Kids are a lot like pokemon, there's no sense in having a well rounded kid when there's another one out there who specializes in fire attacks and can absolutely slaughter your child in one dragon rage.  With your army of athletes, nerds, and beautiful people, you'll be able to outduel anyone around and become a master.  One thing is for certain though, pull your kids out of school right now, you don't want them getting smarter than you- that's how those pigs pulled off that coup in "Animal Farm".  And out of all the animals in the animal kingdom, children have the closest genetic code to pigs.

So let's nip this one in the bud, and if you have any special little guys or girls running around, wake them up immediately and get them shooting some hoops, painting, experimenting with chemicals, or putting on moisturizer.  And don't let them stop until they're at least 18 and able to start bringing in some wages to pay for the expenses you've incurred raising them.

If they're not plowing the oil fields that is. 

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If you have any questions for Art, please post them in the comments section and he'll do his best to get to them next time on....Smart Talk, with Art Krenshaw!