10. Episode X: Assault of The Spooky Looming Dark Specters
9. Episode XVI: How do you Say "Hello" in Jedi? "Yo!"duh.
8. Episode XXIV: Han Solo Flies the Coop
7. Episode XXVII: Kingdom of the Crystal Skull..yeah! It'll work way better in these movies.
6. Episode XXXI: Someone Finally Fixes C-3PO so he Stops Being Such a Ninny
5. Episode XXXVIII: There's Something That's Supposed to be Cute but is Annoying in This one too!
4. Episode XLI: The Salacious Crumb Story You've all been Waiting for!
3. Episode LV: An R2-D2 Translator is Made: Turns Out he Swears a Lot.
2. Episode LX: Chewbacca Falls in the Shower and Breaks His Hip
1. Episode MXVI: A Newer Hope!
Showing posts with label Top Ten Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Top Ten Lists. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, May 9, 2011
TOP TEN WORST MOTHER'S DAY GIFTS FROM 2011
10. Mickey D's gift cards
9. A mechanical bull
8. Tickets to see the unmade "Hulk 3", released sometime yet to be determined.
7. "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" Deluxe Anniversary Edition
6. A half eaten Pop Tart
5. Front row seats to Monday's monster truck rally
4. Nose bleed seats to Monday's monster truck rally
3. A gift basket ...of DOOM!
2. A litter of wolverines
1. "#1 Dad" T-shirt/mug combo!
9. A mechanical bull
8. Tickets to see the unmade "Hulk 3", released sometime yet to be determined.
7. "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" Deluxe Anniversary Edition
6. A half eaten Pop Tart
5. Front row seats to Monday's monster truck rally
4. Nose bleed seats to Monday's monster truck rally
3. A gift basket ...of DOOM!
2. A litter of wolverines
1. "#1 Dad" T-shirt/mug combo!
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE NOT A GRANDMA
10. The glass bowl on your coffee table isn't full of candy.
9. You don't own a glass bowl.
8. You don't constantly have the urge to give people under the age of 30 more food.
7. You have long hair.
6. You haven't forwarded an e-mail since you started reading this list.
5. You're able to reference "Snoop Dog" without calling him "Snoopy".
4. You have less than five unopened DVDs in your house.
3. You're not good at making chili
2. When talking about a celebrity you like you say something other than "Oh that ___ is just wonderful!"
1. You're a horse!
9. You don't own a glass bowl.
8. You don't constantly have the urge to give people under the age of 30 more food.
7. You have long hair.
6. You haven't forwarded an e-mail since you started reading this list.
5. You're able to reference "Snoop Dog" without calling him "Snoopy".
4. You have less than five unopened DVDs in your house.
3. You're not good at making chili
2. When talking about a celebrity you like you say something other than "Oh that ___ is just wonderful!"
1. You're a horse!
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE NOT A BUG
10. You move mostly in straight lines.
9. No one tries to squish you.
8. Garbage and other bugs are things you would throw away and not eat.
7. Someone walks up to you and is like "Hey man."
6. You are a bug, but you're a VW- and that's not the kind we're talking about here.
5. You're not the subject of any weird nursery rhymes.
4. Your sister has kids, and when they send you birthday cards, they spell "Ant" with a U.
3. Magnifying glasses just magnify things for you, not set you on fire.
2. The last time you got flicked from a height thousands of times your size, you weren't ok when you hit the ground.
1. You're a horse!
9. No one tries to squish you.
8. Garbage and other bugs are things you would throw away and not eat.
7. Someone walks up to you and is like "Hey man."
6. You are a bug, but you're a VW- and that's not the kind we're talking about here.
5. You're not the subject of any weird nursery rhymes.
4. Your sister has kids, and when they send you birthday cards, they spell "Ant" with a U.
3. Magnifying glasses just magnify things for you, not set you on fire.
2. The last time you got flicked from a height thousands of times your size, you weren't ok when you hit the ground.
1. You're a horse!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
TOP TEN REASONS WHY CHEWBACCA WOULD HAVE BEEN A BETTER PRESIDENT THAN GEORGE WASHINGTON
10. Though Washington could also rip the arms from a droid's sockets, Chewbacca has actually done it, and isn't all talk.
9. Washington's victory at Yorktown small potatoes compared to Chewbacca’s victory on the moon of Endor
8. Two national languages: English, and Yelling like a bear.
7. Grover Cleveland was a fictitious character too, and he was a fine president.
6. Chewie needed neither powder nor a wig, dude was allll fur.
5.Chewbacca could also never tell a lie, if he did, he would be barred from the great table of Wookie elders for the next eight moons.
4. Washington's laser crossbow didn't have the cool ammo sash to go with it.
3. Since Chewbacca wasn't born in America, opens up the door for Ahhhnold to be president: think of all the comedy THAT would bring!
2."Chewbacca D.C." sounds way better.
1. His teeth and claws aren't wooden!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
TOP TEN REASONS I'M GLAD I'M NOT A LEGO MAN
10. C-shaped un-flexible claw hands with no opposable thumbs make it hard to honk bicycle horns
9. Red hat with brim bigger than head not a good look
8. Head is constantly being replaced with cooler redbearded pirate or scar guy
7. Effort it would constantly take to remove feet from floor when walking
6.While the child-bearing hips are a plus, Lego babes don't have a whole lot going on otherwise
5. If instructions get lost and house gets ruined in a natural disaster, only thing I know how to build is a giant wall or a boat with helicopter blades attached to the back.
4. I like having a nose.
3. The constant desire to smack that smirk off of everyone's faces!
2. I don't look good in yellow
1. Duplo is where it's at baby!
9. Red hat with brim bigger than head not a good look
8. Head is constantly being replaced with cooler redbearded pirate or scar guy
7. Effort it would constantly take to remove feet from floor when walking
6.While the child-bearing hips are a plus, Lego babes don't have a whole lot going on otherwise
5. If instructions get lost and house gets ruined in a natural disaster, only thing I know how to build is a giant wall or a boat with helicopter blades attached to the back.
4. I like having a nose.
3. The constant desire to smack that smirk off of everyone's faces!
2. I don't look good in yellow
1. Duplo is where it's at baby!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
TOP TEN NEW "CRAZY LIKE A FOX" SAYINGS
10. Malicious like a Chinchilla
9. Counter-intuitive like an elk
8. Determined like a toucan
7. Overrated like a newt
6. Ambitious like a giraffe
5. Horrible like a koala
4. Machiavellian like a gopher
3. Shiny like a goat
2. Insecure like an otter
1. Clinically diagnosed with dementia like a fox!
9. Counter-intuitive like an elk
8. Determined like a toucan
7. Overrated like a newt
6. Ambitious like a giraffe
5. Horrible like a koala
4. Machiavellian like a gopher
3. Shiny like a goat
2. Insecure like an otter
1. Clinically diagnosed with dementia like a fox!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
TOP TEN POSSIBLE NEW NAMES FOR CHRISTMAS
10. Ham Day
9. Insincere Thank-You-oween
8. Awkward Small Talk with Old Relatives Day
7. Santaland
6. Christmas Eve II: The Revenge
5. MasChrist (spanish speaking countries only)
4. Christmas....brought to you by Bud Light! The sure sign of a good time!
3. Rickey Henderson's Birthday!
2. Suck on a Candy Cane Until it Gets Really Sharp and Then Accidentally Stab Yourself in the Tongue Day
1. Flag Day!
9. Insincere Thank-You-oween
8. Awkward Small Talk with Old Relatives Day
7. Santaland
6. Christmas Eve II: The Revenge
5. MasChrist (spanish speaking countries only)
4. Christmas....brought to you by Bud Light! The sure sign of a good time!
3. Rickey Henderson's Birthday!
2. Suck on a Candy Cane Until it Gets Really Sharp and Then Accidentally Stab Yourself in the Tongue Day
1. Flag Day!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
TOP TEN DISCOVERIES MADE BY THE NEWLY SINGLE MAN
10. Belts are for the birds!*
9. "Cooking" involves pulling the lid off of a can of tuna to dip crackers.
8. Dinner consists of exactly the same thing and half a glass of orange juice.
7. Cleaning is forbidden.
6. Around the house, pants optional.
5. Everyone in the room likes whistling if you're the only one in the room.
4. Movies are much cheaper when you're only buying one ticket! ...unless they're in worthless "3D" that adds nothing to the movie.
3. More oxygen and less carbon dioxide around equates to a much more pleasurable breathing experience.
2. Now no one will know that you love watching the Westminster Dog Show.
1. The crippling loneliness!
*Figuratively.....but can you IMAGINE?? My heavens.
9. "Cooking" involves pulling the lid off of a can of tuna to dip crackers.
8. Dinner consists of exactly the same thing and half a glass of orange juice.
7. Cleaning is forbidden.
6. Around the house, pants optional.
5. Everyone in the room likes whistling if you're the only one in the room.
4. Movies are much cheaper when you're only buying one ticket! ...unless they're in worthless "3D" that adds nothing to the movie.
3. More oxygen and less carbon dioxide around equates to a much more pleasurable breathing experience.
2. Now no one will know that you love watching the Westminster Dog Show.
1. The crippling loneliness!
*Figuratively.....but can you IMAGINE?? My heavens.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
TOP TEN THINGS I’D LIKE YOU TO PICTURE ABRAHAM LINCOLN DOING
10. The Robot.
9. Having a crazy Laundromat mishap in his own sitcom.
8. Falling in love with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, one with a heart of gold.
7. Giving a speech that starts "Five score and seven years ago...."
6. Taking a huge bite out of a giant onion, then reacting like it was the best thing he’d ever tasted.
5. A cover of an Eminem song feat. Ulysses S. Grant
4. Being tickled.
3. Writing an angry letter to Wal-Mart
2. Running around in circles, wearing a Cat in the Hat hat, his hands waving in the air, screaming “I’m an apricot! I’m an apricot!” until he pulls out a jetpack and zooms away.
1. Growing a mustache for that damn beard!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
TOP TEN REJECTED WOMEN'S HALLOWEEN COSTUMES
10. Sexy Garbage Collector
9. Sexy Oprah
8. Sexy Chewbacca
7. Sexy Alex Trebek
6. Sexy Bratwurst
5. The Hulk
4. Sexy Nurse .....to the elderly
3. Sexy Manatee
2. Sexy Abe Lincoln
1. Self-Respect!
9. Sexy Oprah
8. Sexy Chewbacca
7. Sexy Alex Trebek
6. Sexy Bratwurst
5. The Hulk
4. Sexy Nurse .....to the elderly
3. Sexy Manatee
2. Sexy Abe Lincoln
1. Self-Respect!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
TOP TEN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIAN REACTIONS TO RAIN
10. Crash their cars while trying to avoid each drop
9. Call in sick to work, school, and any other activity besides "blankets"
8. Crash their cars because windshield wipers "Didn't look cute" so they had them removed
7. Get a cold after the first 2 minutes of rain
6. Crash their cars because their necks are turned away from the road looking at another accident
5. "WHAT ARE THESE DROPS OF MOISTURE FALLING FROM THE SKY??"
4. Crash their cars because the person in front of them just slowed down to 10mph and the person behind them sped up to 80
3. "I'm not a Southern Californian, and I can't even tell it's raining, I'm dead!" (applies to Abe Lincoln only)
2. Crash their cars because they think they're supposed to pump the gas when they hydroplane
1. "Hey look, it's raining."
9. Call in sick to work, school, and any other activity besides "blankets"
8. Crash their cars because windshield wipers "Didn't look cute" so they had them removed
7. Get a cold after the first 2 minutes of rain
6. Crash their cars because their necks are turned away from the road looking at another accident
5. "WHAT ARE THESE DROPS OF MOISTURE FALLING FROM THE SKY??"
4. Crash their cars because the person in front of them just slowed down to 10mph and the person behind them sped up to 80
3. "I'm not a Southern Californian, and I can't even tell it's raining, I'm dead!" (applies to Abe Lincoln only)
2. Crash their cars because they think they're supposed to pump the gas when they hydroplane
1. "Hey look, it's raining."
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
TOP TEN SIGNS YOU ARE, IN FACT, NOT SMARTER THAN A 5TH GRADER
10. You went to Burger King to demand a burger democracy.
9. You went to Burger King to eat.
8. You posted something in the "comments" section of youtube.
7. When people look up the word "dumb" in the dictionary, they don't see a picture of you, but that's only because there's not that many pictures in a dictionary- although there should be.
6. You posted the last two entries on this blog.
5. You're in 6th grade, but all the 5th graders see you and think "look, it's that doofus!"
4. 7 Dwarves would have added you as the 8th Dwarf "Dummy" if not for height requirement.
3. You're in 2nd grade.
2.You're a rock.*
1. You went on the show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" and couldn't get any of the questions right.
*Don't take it too hard if you are though, I think the fact that you've learned how to navigate the internet and read despite being an inanimate object is something to be proud of.
9. You went to Burger King to eat.
8. You posted something in the "comments" section of youtube.
7. When people look up the word "dumb" in the dictionary, they don't see a picture of you, but that's only because there's not that many pictures in a dictionary- although there should be.
6. You posted the last two entries on this blog.
5. You're in 6th grade, but all the 5th graders see you and think "look, it's that doofus!"
4. 7 Dwarves would have added you as the 8th Dwarf "Dummy" if not for height requirement.
3. You're in 2nd grade.
2.You're a rock.*
1. You went on the show "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" and couldn't get any of the questions right.
*Don't take it too hard if you are though, I think the fact that you've learned how to navigate the internet and read despite being an inanimate object is something to be proud of.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
TOP TEN REASONS TO SLEEP
10. It's like the sweet release of death- only temporary!
9. Because you miss your dinosaur bedsheets.
8. To continue mankind's lifelong quest of sleeping so tight, no bedbugs will bite.
7. The closest we'll ever get to time traveling. One second it's 11:15pm, the next, 7:05am!
6. We all know the bogeyman only strikes when you're awake in bed.
5. Put chicken pot pie under your pillow: 30% chance you'll dream of chicken pot pie!
4. It's better than watching The Big Bang Theory.
3. It's the only way to get magical present-bringing beings to come, maybe they'll blow it and come tonight too!
2. People always think you're a jerk if you snore while you're awake.
1. You're tired!
9. Because you miss your dinosaur bedsheets.
8. To continue mankind's lifelong quest of sleeping so tight, no bedbugs will bite.
7. The closest we'll ever get to time traveling. One second it's 11:15pm, the next, 7:05am!
6. We all know the bogeyman only strikes when you're awake in bed.
5. Put chicken pot pie under your pillow: 30% chance you'll dream of chicken pot pie!
4. It's better than watching The Big Bang Theory.
3. It's the only way to get magical present-bringing beings to come, maybe they'll blow it and come tonight too!
2. People always think you're a jerk if you snore while you're awake.
1. You're tired!
Sunday, August 8, 2010
TOP TEN THINGS I'VE HEARD THE LOCAL NEWS PROMOTE
"Tonight at eleven....."
10. Your house is an "Indiana Jones" style deathtrap!
9. Harry Potter books teach children how to knife fight?
8. The FDA has pulled SOMETHING you ate today from the shelves because of mind-attacking parasites!
7. The Sky is literally falling.
6. 3 out of 4 doctors that recommend toothpaste found guilty of bank fraud!
5. One of your pets is planning to murder you tonight while you sleep- but which one?
4. Studies show running with scissors is good for your health?
3. Whales: Friend, or Foe?
2. EVERYTHING YOU DO IS KILLING YOU.
1. Fritz has the weather! Possible showers tomorrow.
10. Your house is an "Indiana Jones" style deathtrap!
9. Harry Potter books teach children how to knife fight?
8. The FDA has pulled SOMETHING you ate today from the shelves because of mind-attacking parasites!
7. The Sky is literally falling.
6. 3 out of 4 doctors that recommend toothpaste found guilty of bank fraud!
5. One of your pets is planning to murder you tonight while you sleep- but which one?
4. Studies show running with scissors is good for your health?
3. Whales: Friend, or Foe?
2. EVERYTHING YOU DO IS KILLING YOU.
1. Fritz has the weather! Possible showers tomorrow.
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