Baby Don't Hurt Me, Don't Hurt Me. No More.

Over the weekend I was thinking about love.  I know, how romantic of me.  It's why you, loyal reader, come here, and we both know it.  For advice on the big L.  Well here it is:  It's just like a little l only you make the bottom a little longer.  To the right.  No, but seriously folk:  how can I dole out some love advice when I don't even know what that is?  Furthermore, you don't know what it is either.  There are too many things to "love" in this world.  And we only have this one stupid word and varying degrees of "like" which is even worse to describe the way we feel about awesome things.  I love cookies, football, my Mom, my future wife and children, and saying one-liners to bugs before I ace them.  The problem is, I do not love all of these things equally or in the same way- and imagine the complications that could possibly arise if you misinterpret this or even worse, take any of them out of context.
Future wife- if you're reading this, I do not love you the same way I love cookies.  Although it's close, one of you has the edge.
You know, the Ancient Greeks were very forward thinking.*    As you may already know, they were smart enough to come up with different words for love: Agape, Eros, Storge, and a couple other ones that sound like types of wine.  Pretty smart I'd say. 
But they also drank a lot of lead, didn't have bubble gum, and thought the sun was brought into the sky every day by a guy flying around in a chariot pulled by fire horses.  So I thought I'd do everyone a favor and bring some specificity to loving things by coming up with some new words we can use when we love stuff.
Here's a starting point:


Ruv  - A word to use when you love your pet.  I figure we might as well use the commonly accepted "cartoon dog" way of speaking here.  As in: "I ruv you Poocher McBarksy"

P'ove - When food is really good, and you love it.  Everyone loves pizza, and I always appreciated Pizza Hut's name for the failed lunch treat the "P'zzone".  Might as well combine "pizza" and "love" to form a word that means a love of food.  As in: "I p'ove this toast!"

Not enough of us p'oved the P'zone.

Dee-Eh -  The way a parent loves their child.  Mostly because we're genetically inclined and narcissistic enough to unconditionally love something that possesses half of our DNA.  Hence half of "DNA".  As in:  "Judy, I'm only overlooking the fact that you failed all of your classes, lit the car on fire, called Grandma "a baboon" and still refuse to get your mother a birthday card because I dee-eh you."

Entertain-O -  Conversely, as the provider of television and video games/internet, children love their parents.  As in: "Gimmie Sponge-Bob and in exchange you will have my entertain-O"

Boobz - For all the bros out there, so they can express just how hot they think their babes are without classing it up with a word like "love".  Figured we may as well just keep it pronounced the same way as boobs but just spell it with a "z".  Don't want to make it any harder than it is for them.  As in:  "Whoa, I totally boobz you".

DeGenerous - For girls to express their platonic love.  I know we already have the word platonic, but let's face it- that word sucks.  It sounds like a combination of "Pluto and tonic", or "Plate Tectonics".  I have found that all women, young and old, large and small love Ellen.  Us guys already have "bro" and "homey" and "dawg" and "comrade" etc. so I figure coming up with another one would be redundant.   As in:  "I DeGenerous to go shopping with you, you're my DeGenerous!"

Ka-Pow - I would ka-pow to be Batman.  As in: "I would ka-pow to be Batman"

Ultra-Fire-Meteo - the ultimate level of Love.  Like soul-mate love.  So when you Ultra-Fire-Meteo someone, that's like An Ultra-Firework Meteor of Love.  As in: "I know the ladies will want hear how much they are Ultra-Fire-Meteoed."



*It must suck to be a present Greek and have that shadow cast over you.  They have a ton of philosophizing and society creating to do to catch up.  It must create quite a complex.