Sunday, April 24, 2011

No Songs, No Parties, No Dressing up, no Fireworks- Easter has Some Work to do

I think I've figured out the secret to what makes certain holidays more popular than others.  So listen up, Flag Day, Arbor Day, President's Day, and Labor Day.  You want to make the big leap into the pantheon of holidays, 4th of July and New Year's Day? Well, here's the trick:


Candy


That's right.  What do Valentines, Halloween, Christmas, and Easter all have in common?  Bingo.  And don't worry guys, the candy doesn't need to have anything to do with your holiday, just pick some random stuff and turn it into candy.  Maybe even the churro.  I'd love a Flag Day churro.  Actually, scratch that, it has to be something that's good cold and can sit around for weeks without being eaten.  Just shape some skittles like a dinosaur and adopt the dinosaur as your official holiday animal.  Or you could get really lazy like jelly beans, and just name them after whatever blob shape your candy most easily forms to.

A few more Easter thoughts:
Eat the hollow chocolate bunnies from the ear down, that way the renegade chocolate falls into the body of the bunny, where you can consume it later.

I know this isn't new ground I'm covering here, but what a bunch of random stuff Easter has:  why do we color eggs?  And not just regular eggs, hard boiled eggs.  And a giant bunny comes and hides them?  No wonder so many kids turn out weird.

Speaking of the Easter bunny, what's his deal?  Is it even a he?  I know very little about the Easter bunny- what's his motivation for all this egg hiding?  Is he ok with our devouring chocolate and marshmallow versions of himself?  Is the Easter bunny even a benevolent being?  For all we know, the egg hiding could be done for selfish reasons.  What is the Easter bunny doing the rest of the year?  Is there a Mister or Mrs. Easter bunny?  Does he have help?  At least we know Santa's M.O. and plenty of details.  This Easter bunny is more and more of a loose cannon, the more I think about it. 

Peeps- the weirdest textured candy known to man, and therefore, a very low ranking one in this man's opinion.  Plus, they always look kind of sad.


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