Monster Stink

This picture has nothing to do with the blog, but it's Halloween themed.

For Halloween, I thought I'd blog about something scary!  Like monsters! Although how scary are they really? Sure, monsters get a lot of hype.  We know they are supposed to be scary, but they're really not.  Yes, there's many children out there who are afraid of monsters (the under the bed, in the closet variety) but I think we can agree that it's very possible what they're really afraid of is not getting enough attention or going to bed early.
Who are the monsters I'm talking about?  Well, when I think of "monsters" especially around Halloween, there's a select few that come to mind.

Frankenstein
Technically "Frankenstein's Monster", but nobody wants to talk about Dr. Frankenstein- we just want to talk about the body parts he had sewn back together, which somehow came back to life when lightning hit them!  Maybe it was the bolts sticking out of his neck.  Come to think of it, the logistics of Frankenstein have never really been explained to me.  Why is he really tall and strong enough to walk through walls?  If he's just a bunch of body parts sewn together and brought back to life, shouldn't he just be normal size and have the strength of an average human?  The haircut and green color didn't make a lot of sense to me either.  Who looks like that?  Frankenstein's motives always seemed ambiguous as well.  Did he just want to walk around and be left alone?  That's what it seemed like to me.  Not very scary.  Neither is the fact that he can't bend his knees.  Any monster the fat and the elderly can easily escape from is not a very good monster.  At least in terms of the ability to frighten.  He seems like a perfectly nice giant dead guy.

The Wolfman
I'm not sure why The Wolfman gets the distinction of "The" Wolfman, and not just "Wolfman", but I'll roll with it.  This one makes a little more sense.  Wolves can be kinda scary.  And one that's bigger - say- man-sized could be that much scarier.  The only problem here is that it's not much scarier than a big wolf.  I mean, at least a Wolfman is part human, a giant wolf is just some crazy animal!  And the nose wouldn't look as ridiculous as it does on Wolfmen.  Really, I think the prospect of turning into a wolfman is much scarier than an actual Wolfman.  So I propose from now on, we just have "Giant Wolf".  That has fire breath.  And can walk through walls.  And is bulletproof.  And can drive a car and also sometimes looks like your cousin so you never know if it's really him, or if it's really Giant Wolf.  Now that would be scary.

The Mummy
Kinda sounds like "Mommy".  Not very scary.

Dracula
So vampires are supposed to be "sexy" these days.  I guess that sort of takes the scariness out of Dracula.  Really though, it makes sense.  Because what is sexier than something that's dead?  And can turn into a bat?  The teeth are pretty creepy too.  Trendiness aside, the fact that vampires are afraid of garlic has always amused me.  Whoever decided to use that storytelling cop-out didn't think things through very well- typically you want to be afraid of the monster, not have the monster afraid of common household items or delicious herbs and spices.  It's also nice that he dresses so snazzy.  But not so scary.