Genie of the Lamp

   So, you've found me.  After all that hunting, the cave diving, trap dodging, and riddle answering you made it here.  And somehow accidentally rubbed this oil lamp and out I popped.  The genie of the lamp.  What were you doing rubbing an oil lamp, anyway?  I know I kept it clean.  Who uses oil lamps these days?  Wouldn't you have rather had the giant crown and all the gold coins that were next to this lamp?  Oh that's right, the legend.  Man, if I ever get my hands on Earl.... you think you can trust ONE person, but no- the ONE guy ya trust- goes out and starts telling eeeveryone he can find about the magic cave, the magic password, the magic carpet and the magic genie.
  Well, you probably want to know how this works.  Did you ever see that movie "Aladdin?"  Oh.  Dang.  I was hoping you hadn't.  Believe it or not- get this- it's a little embarrassing- I've never seen it!  Weird right?  Yeah, you'd think it would be right up my alley, and with ultimate power and the lifetime of 1,000 men to do nothing but hang out one would expect me to have seen every movie ever made by now.  But no.  I was mostly playing racquetball and perfecting nutella so it had a taste that people other than weirdos liked now.  Hey!  You want that to be a wish?  Wish for some great nutella.  OK fine.  So since I haven't seen Aladdin, how can I explain this....I Dream of Jeannie!  Have you seen that one?  OK great.  It's not like that though.  But can you believe that Barbara Eden?  And she's aged so incredibly well!  You want to wish for her to fall madly in love with you?  I'll even make it so it's a non-belly buttoned version.  She will be literally mad however.  Yeah, I'm one of those a-hole genies that twists the words you say around so you end up hating your wishes.  It started off as some sort of lesson about appreciating something something but ....I think really I'm just kind of a jerk now.  That's pretty big of me to admit, isn't it?  I think I've really grown- not just as a genie, but as a person.  I have a therapist in there.  Her name's Dinah, she's a real hoot.  She hates me for stealing her away from her family, but like I said, I'm a jerk.  I'm trying to get over it though.  Really, I'm trying really hard.  You don't even wanna know about my childhood man.  Yeah.  Genies have parents.  And mine always wished I was better at baseball.  So let me try and be better.  Let's get started:
  Rules:  There are no rules!  Seriously.  Go ahead and wish for more wishes.  Boom.  Done.  Now what?  Infinite wealth?  Done.  World Peace?  Accomplished.  A real version of that Jessica Rabbit only not bald on one side of her head?  You got it bro.  What else?  You want to be able to fly?  You know what, I like you.  So let me help you out here.  You want to be able to fly, but not all the time, and as fast as you want, otherwise I'd just make you fly at a snail's pace.  And as high as you want without freezing or burning up in the atomsphere.  Oh and you probably want to be able to breathe.  And not have the wind get in your eyes and mess up your hair.  Oh, and planes and birds and bugs and stuff.  Don't want to be running into those.  Yeah, so I think that should cover it.  Hey no problem.  Why isn't it working?  Probably because I didn't do any of that stuff- I don't have to give you any wishes, ya big sap!  Haha.  Now get out of here.
Oh, I did make your water bill really high for the rest of your life though.