The Lion, or Leo Panthera is known as the king of the jungle. Yeah right! There is only one true king of the jungle, and that's T-Rex. Does a lion have the word "king" in its name? No. Does it have the word "tyrant" in its name? Negative. The T-Rex has both of those: in your face lion! So what if the T-Rex is dead, it only is because it wants to be. Also, know what another word for "king" is? Regis. And Regis Philbin is great.
This report isn't about bagging on lions though, it's about the Tyrannosaurus. He's everyone's favorite dinosaur, unless you're some kind of wimp and like a boring leaf eating one. Everyone looked up to Tyrannosaurus. Not because he was tall, but because he got things done.
Let me paint a real-world scenario for you:
You're walking along the street, you're hungry, sad, and it's a foggy, gloomy day. All of the sudden, some jerk bully ambushes you. Starts pushing you around. This is a tough scenario for all of us to deal with. Do you fight back? Run? Try to talk things out? Let me give you another real-world scenario:
Tyrannosaurus Rex is walking along the street, hungry, sad, and it's a foggy gloomy day. All of the sudden, some jerk bully ambushes him. Starts trying to take his lunch money. T-Rex opens his mouth and eats him. Problems solved. Not hungry anymore, because he ate the bully, and the bully isn't going to be bullying him anymore, because he's dead. The fog is gone too because the mighty roar of the T-Rex blew it over to where those nerdy Brontosaurs hang out.
And that right there is why the T-Rex is everyone's favorite dinosaur. Why he has the ability to play the bad guy AND the hero in any talking dinosaur fiction. I don't see any Russians doing that. People like to think things should be so easy that if something's going wrong, they're bigger than everyone, so they can just eat it. Or at the very least step on it. That's why I'm proposing Tyrannosaurus Rex cloning, just like that movie, Home Alone. Not because I want to visit a theme park where Newman shuts the electricity off and Sam Neil reluctantly wisecracks his way into saving some sort of annoying sort of cute kids, but because this country needs some new leadership and Tyrannosaurus Rex would make a great president. What are the biggest problems facing this country right now? The economy? A T-Rex can fix that- get a job or he'll eat you. Terrorists? Ask the terror-dactyls how that worked out for them. (hint: they're extinct) And look, it's time we finally got tough with Canada. Who better to do it than the tyrant lizard king? Or Tyrant Lizard President, as the case may be. T-Rex would be like Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt all rolled into one. And a kimono dragon.
Some people might look at the Tyrannosaurus and wonder why this mighty beast had tiny arms, but the T-Rex had nothing to prove- why should he spend hours at the gym pumping iron when he could be out eating and smushing things? And roaring.
Another thing that grown-ups waste time wondering about is what color the T-Rex could have possibly been. He was probably some sort of tree color, but again, it probably didn't matter. Though some educational programs would have us believe its skin was purple with a green underbelly.
In summation, the only thing better than a Tyrannosaurus is a space Tyrannosaurus, and for all we know, there's one out there- shot off in a Superman-like space pod by his scientist dinosaur parents, although, those parents were probably cool enough to send out a few other T-Rexes so the first one didn't get so lonely, because sending out only one member of a dying race seems kind of cruel- that would be a pretty lonely existence, wouldn't it? Yeah, I bet there's a ton of Tyrannosaurs floating around out there in space, watching over us right now.
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