I'm Cramping More Than Your Style

So I'm asleep, peacefully dreaming of a guy who invented a metal brain plate to keep himself alive in a post-apocalyptic zombie infested world when .....FIRE!.....IN MY LEG.  I was transported to the world of cramp calf.  Except it wasn't instant.  One moment I was in zombie world, then I wake up from a deep sleep, not aware enough to be able to tell which way I'm facing in the room, but still I have enough time to think " (hmm my leg feels kind of tight....!  ohcrapohcrapohcrap...maybe if I can just stretch it out or massage it a li-AGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" and then there I am writhing on the mattress like an animal in a bear trap.  And it hurts.  I can't help but think though, that this is some sort of practical joke being played on me.  Because the fact that I wake up with juuuust enough time to fool myself into thinking maybe I can prevent it this time is cruel.  And honestly, what biological function could this serve?  Thinning out the herd?  Did all my ancestors with muscular calves get eaten by sabre-tooth tigers? (sabre-toothed?)
For those of you this has never happened to, I implore you, take care of your embarrassingly skinny calf muscles.  So what if you can't kick a ball very far or you don't look quite as good in heels, at least there's no chance of you limping off to find a banana first thing in the morning.
Since I don't really have any note to end this on, here's a picture of a Lightsaber-toothed tiger...who also has green eyes.....and one of them is cross-eyed, that I think must not go unnoticed.  Thank you, google images.

Perfect for killing Wookiee Mammoths