Nobody Even Called it "Facepage" or "Bookspace" Like my Mom Does. That Movie was Fake.

Over the weekend I was fortunate enough to see the new Columbia pictures movie "The Social Network" aka "The Facebook Movie", which is what everyone is really calling it.  I know not everyone has the time or money to go to the movies, and there's a lot of duds out there who think any event outside of their living rooms is "too much of a haaaasle" so I thought it might help everyone out if I did a summary.

Back in 2003, the sun never came out at Harvard.  With the world covered in darkness by David Fincher, the United States was a world nobody wanted to live in, especially because all of the music sounded like it was processed through a robot, even classical masterpieces like "In the Hall of the Mountian King".  So everyone turned to the guy who was the biggest nerd they could find to fix things.  Since nobody was sure where to find this person, we looked at Harvard, where everyone is better than anyone.  Still, there are a lot of people at Harvard, so to find the right person they just waited until they found someone who was so smart they answered a teacher's snarky question as they were leaving the middle of his class!  Clearly, a genius at work. This person's name was Mark Zuckerberg, although Mark Zuckerman sounds a lot better to me.  After they found the right guy, they realized they needed formulas and equations to fix things, but there was a problem.  NOBODY HAD ANY PAPER!!  Zuckerburgerman had been typing on a laptop all along and I'm sure there was paper around, but nobody who's a genius in college writes like us humans, so him and his sidekick had to write on the windows.  Then they made facebook and the guy was a huge jerk to everyone, but people liked facebook anyway because myspace had a bunch of glitter and creepy people on it.  Then Justin Timberlake came along and also acted like a jerk, which made everyone like facebook even more because it was double jerk.  Oh and everyone drank a bunch of martinis but nobody was drunk somehow.  Probably because of the internet.
Then everyone ended up suing Zuckerstein because that's a rich person's way of beating someone up, and because the movie needed more ways to show his irreverence.  A bunch of people looked out the window and were forlorn and we all realized the way we're living our lives has changed dramatically and the Oscars immediately regretted the fact that they have to pick 10 movies to nominate for best picture because afterward we all realized movies have been pretty crappy this year.