Tom sat at his desk, typing away, undaunted by the 12 new orders that were just heaped onto his "plate", as they say, by his boss, Steven. He didn't mind working the orders because he didn't mind being a cog in a larger machine, or the fact that he was grossly underpaid, or the fact that he was the last person left from the "old regime" and everyone who had been hired since was much younger and vastly better looking than him. Not that Tom was unattractive, he was a pretty normal looking guy with some nice features, and once you got to know him, there was a lot more to like.
Steven sat at his desk, clicking away, trying to find the perfect bra on Victoria's Secret.com to post as his "team mascot" on his fantasy football league. Steven never won, but that never stopped him from bragging about his team to anyone who would listen. Like many things Steven did, the louder he was, the more convincing he was. Not that he did it on purpose, it was just the only way he had known to get what he wanted. It was still obnoxious as hell though. The taller, best dressed man in the office, he probably could have gotten by on his looks alone. But Steven wanted more. He wanted the new car. Or at least the awesome leased car that he thought could drive faster than most people could think.
Tom got up to get a drink of water from the water cooler that somehow managed to look like it was from the 90's, and he made the mistake of getting into Steven's direct walking path.
"Yo Tommy Boy!! Holy Schnikies!!"
Tom made a mental note, this was the 8th time this week that Steven called him that, and he didn't think anyone reacted to it once. He nodded hello.
"Tommy Boy! Where's Rob Schnieder??"
"You're thinking of David Spade."
"Ha! No I'm not. Rob Schnieder, that little wimpy dude, blonde hair!"
Tom blinked. He hesitated before "That's David Spade." escaped from his mouth.
"We can look it up right now, it's Rob Thomas."
Steven didn't know this, but he was a blunt object. He was often wrong, but he was so loud about it and insisted upon whatever he was wrong about so many times that most people chose not to bother.
Not noticing the pause in the conversation, or needing any sort of confirmation from Tom that he agreed, Steven plowed ahead. "What kind of trouble you getting into this weekend buddy?"
Tom didn't make the connection that Steven was asking him this on a Tuesday, and if he did, he wouldn't have minded, Tom thought "At least he's not asking about my-"
"How are your orders coming?" Steven asked, smiling.
"Well, I'm having a little trouble with-"
"Trouble Tom? "Trouble is for those who cannot hope to prevail." Winston Churchill said that."
Winston Churchill did not say that. Nobody said that.
"Look Tom, if you can't get this done, I'm going to have to be a little less awesome around you, and that's going to be a lot less awesome for us both."
Tom didn't know what to say to that, so he just nodded and told Steven he'd do better.
Steven started back to his desk, patting himself on the back for being such a good motivator, and thought about changing his outgoing voicemail to include his manager title when he remembered that he hadn't told Tom about what HE was doing over the weekend. He immediately whirled around, and while still in motion shouted:
"Yo Tombo! Guess what Steven's doing this weekend??"
Tom didn't guess that he was going to speak in the 3rd person until he thought someone ELSE named Steven was out-cooling him, but that would have been a great guess.
"What are you doing, Steven?"
"Heading on up to the lake. Gonna cause some mischief."
For some reason, all of the bags (tool, D, and dirt) were very attracted to lakes.
"That's great, I've never been."
"Buddy! You should come."
Tom didn't want to go, and Steven didn't want him to go, but unfortunately, Tom said
"OK."
Steven thought Tom would flake like everyone else and so he gave him directions and a time to be there, which Tom followed.
It would be the worst weekend of Tom's life.
During that weekend, Tom realized he would never love again.
And a mountain lion bit off his big toe.
And Steven wore some swim shorts that left nothing to the imagination, so Tom was scarred for the rest of his time at the company, but not scarred enough to do anything about it.
And Tom's cat died.
It was a really old cat, but it was still pretty sad for Tom.
And he ordered a taco supreme, but they just gave him a taco with tomatoes, but no sour cream.
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