I thought we'd switch things up a little today and have a guest blogger. Someone to keep you all on your toes. So without further ado, I'd like to introduce Art Krenshaw, an expert in human behavior. He's studied sociology and anthropology at Northern Kansas University and currently teaches on the side. I'd like to start a sort of "Dear Abby" column periodically, only using Art's name instead of "Abby". We'll start off with a question that was posed to me socially.
SMART TALK
with Art Krenshaw
Art,
I have a problem. My six year old son has just started 1st grade and my four year old is very jealous. Every day, my six year old comes home with all sorts of interesting stories about his day and I can't help but give him my attention. My four year old becomes furious at this and almost without fail starts a physical fight between him and the six year old. I feel awful, what should I do?
Sincerely,
Concerned
Well Concerned,
This is a common problem between boys that age, so don't feel too bad about them fighting. As long as no one is breaking anything around the house, or each other, it's all part of growing up. And I'm sure the guilt you feel is unnecessary. The real problem I'm seeing here is your children's schooling. As you know, children are our most precious resource. Our most precious right behind crude oil. So my advice to you, and to all parents out there, is to combine those resources and get our children to work in the oil fields. Now, I'm no math whiz, but according to my calculations, resource x resource = resource squared. And that's a good thing. Just look how it turned out for the guy in "There Will be Blood". Him and his son got along great, they even went and had milkshakes together.
Now I've had some parents come up to me after lectures absolutely furious, and that's understandable. It's a lot to ask of a young child to mine the oil fields of the earth. So if you're one of those parents who married a physical specimen as equally impressive as yourself for breeding purposes, go ahead and let the kids do what you had them to do- be it model, play basketball, or invent "softwebs" on the computer. Kids are a lot like pokemon, there's no sense in having a well rounded kid when there's another one out there who specializes in fire attacks and can absolutely slaughter your child in one dragon rage. With your army of athletes, nerds, and beautiful people, you'll be able to outduel anyone around and become a master. One thing is for certain though, pull your kids out of school right now, you don't want them getting smarter than you- that's how those pigs pulled off that coup in "Animal Farm". And out of all the animals in the animal kingdom, children have the closest genetic code to pigs.
So let's nip this one in the bud, and if you have any special little guys or girls running around, wake them up immediately and get them shooting some hoops, painting, experimenting with chemicals, or putting on moisturizer. And don't let them stop until they're at least 18 and able to start bringing in some wages to pay for the expenses you've incurred raising them.
If they're not plowing the oil fields that is.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you have any questions for Art, please post them in the comments section and he'll do his best to get to them next time on....Smart Talk, with Art Krenshaw!
No comments:
Post a Comment